Ha, that title has you scared, doesn't it? Never fear; I am not about to detail the intamacies of our sex life. This is just the Life Chapter into which I pour all those cute little things he did - like blush each and every time we walked past Anne Summers. I am serious about this; every single time we walked past that shop, or any shop in which underwear was on display, he would look the other way and blush. He looked dead cute when he blushed. His skin was really pale, so he blushed rose pink. I used to think up excuses to walk him past Anne Summers just to see him blush. He definitely did not think things of that nature ought to be on public display. He didn't think you ought to be able to buy porno mags in newsagents either - not even stuff like Nuts and Zoo. He didn't, like, rant and rail and go all boring about it, he just...got embarassed. He was so conservative! Completely adorable. This one time, just to wind him up, I went to college in a teeny, tiny little top. I mean reeeeally tiny. So at lunch, after he was over the initial shock and me and my evil friends had finally stopped laughing at him, he took me to his car, drove me to his home...and ravished me on the spot? Gave in to the usual male desire for a compliant teenager in a very small top and, I seem to remember, quite a short skirt? No. Instead he fetched one of his shirts and insisted that I wear it for the rest of the day. He did not approve of anyone seeing that much of my body...anyone except for him, obviously. Rupes had a sweet tooth even worse than my own. I dunno why he even bothered spooning sugar into tea; he should've just poured it in straight from the bowl. One thing he really loved was chocolate truffles. All the girls at Thornton's knew him. His favourite was the Vienna - you know, that round milk chocolate one with sugar all over it. I've never liked them and I probably never will, but I still eat them to this day, despite the fact that in all other respects I am a strict vegan. Rupes must have had the highest metabolism in the world, because despite living on nothing but sweets and never doing any real exercise, he somehow stayed pretty skinny. Not fair... Maybe the fact that he could not cook contributed to this. Well, he could sort of cook - you give him a tin of soup and he could heat it, no problem. He could also boil pasta and fry fish fingers, but that was about it. I'm not sure how he survived in the early days of his marriage, because by all accounts Sharon was not a keen chef either, but by the time I met him his elder daughters were taking it in turns to cook for him, to prevent him and the kids from actually starving to death. He wasn't really a good shopper either - even if he had a list he somehow missed half the stuff off it - so starving to death was actually a distinct possibility (and I quote; 'I brought Luke that thing he wanted...oh, no, wait, I think this is the wrong one (it was a little plastic toy in a round tub, I think it was like Transformers or something, and yes, he had brought the wrong one)...anyway, here's the cough mix for Bree...oh, drat, I forgot to get any potatoes...do you think Carl can make chicken hotpot without potatoes?') He didn't eat a lot of 'real' food, anyway. He'd spend the day eating chocolate buttons and then have a weeny little dish of food for his actual meals. He just didn't really like food unless it was sweet (he was good with cerial, though - especially Frosties...). Amazingly enough, all his children had very good diets. I'm still not quite sure how he managed to pull that one off. Rupes was such a beautiful man. Really; everything he did was so soft and beautiful. Even just walking or picking something up. I just used to watch him all the time, because he was so fantastic. This is a little embarassing to admit, but this one time he was fixing us some pasta in the kitchen and I actually started crying, because he was just so gentle and perfect. I quite worried him...I have never met anyone so gentle and graceful. I sometimes used to wonder if he was really a human being at all. The only other time he made me cry was when he got a papercut. Yes, I really did cry because I was so distressed that he had a papercut. It just seemed so wrong that he should be in any amount of pain at all, ever. When my friends said I was 'crazy about him', they really meant it...I used to wake up in the morning and worry in case he cut himself shaving. As far as I was concerned, nothing bad should ever, ever happen to him. Another time, I was going home on the bus and started crying because I had to get through a whole evening and night without him. Actually crying, right there on the bus...