It has been a long time, but I'm still no nearer to coming to terms with losing this beautiful man. This afternoon I am barely able to watch T.V. - I really can't see the point of anything. I know he would not want me to feel this way, but I can't help it. To try and express some of how I feel, I have been researching widow's weed and am thinking of changing the way I dress. I'd like to wear a veil, but I might look a bit barmy. Then again, I am a bit barmy, so would it matter? I've also started wearing an old ring on my ring finger. It's just a stand-by until I can afford a better one, but somehow it just makes me feel better.