Please, I hope that somehow this message can get to you in some way. I just miss you so much and love you so much, and it's hard to love you this much when you aren't here for me to tell you how much I love you. Five years haven't dimmed it at all. People don't understand. Everyone I talk to thinks I'll fall in love with someone else some day. They've got no idea. The way we love each other isn't something that can dim or die or even be tarnished. No matter what anyone throws at us, our love will always be strong and perfect. It's the only thing other than God that is really certain in this world. I want you to know that, no matter what, no matter how many years we have to be apart, I'm always going to love you every bit as much as the day you died. Maybe even more. I watched a film once called Millenium Actress. The girl in that has to live her whole life away from the one she loves, but her feelings are always there, shining in her heart. That's how I'll always be. That film made me cry. I cry a lot since you went away. Honestly, this is killing me. I just love you so much. I can't stand it. Please, I want you to know that my feelings for you have not changed, and they will not change - because they are incapable of changing. We're not just in love, we've gone on to something else. I don't know what it is, but normal definitions of 'love' won't cover it. What we are is just something else. That's why no-one understands when I try to explain. There's this song I listen to a lot, Thinking Of You. Some of the lyrics go; 'Comparisons are easily done, Once you've had a taste of perfection...You said move on; Where do I go? I guess second best is all I will know...' That's so how it is for me. What could anybody else ever offer me? Other people are barely even real. Just animals which move around and make noises. Without you, I'm just lost in this...place. Where do I have to go to? How could these little creatures I share a world with ever compare with your light? Please, I don't know what to do! I'm just a hollow shell that moves around. I feel like there's nothing behind my eyes. I'm a hollow shell in a hollow world where I don't belong. I move through each day, and I do things and say things, but I'm just using my own body as a puppet. I don't think I will ever be able to learn how to live without you. I'm not convinced it's possible. Please, I just want you to know that I love you. I wish I could just reach you, somehow. I don't know how to exist without you. I LOVE YOU! DO YOU KNOW THAT? CAN YOU HEAR ME? I just want to say it to you. This is such a slow death. It's like you were the only thing in this world that gave off any light. How do I live in such a dark, dark world? Why can't I have something that I can hold on to? Why? Why is it me that has to be so alone? God and you - both equally intangeble. I can't touch either of you. I can't talk to either of you. How is a human being supposed to survive like that? Why, why couldn't I just keep you? I didn't need anything else. Rupes, I love you so much. Nothing's right without you. I just despearately needed to reach out to you somehow, so I wrote this message. I know it's a bit jumbled up, but that's how I am at the moment. But all I really wanted to say was that I love you. I'm always going to love you.